Just shhhhh and let Me.

I just went up north to spend the weekend with some friends of mine and ended up getting more out of it then I ever thought I would. Aside from the AMAZING memories and moments we created goofing around and spending time together, my time spent was rewarding on so many levels. Jesus met me this weekend. Not in amazing lights or miracles; not in goose bumps or heart palpitations; not in the ways I expected. I went to a conference with the expectation that God would speak to me. That something amazing would happen. And to be honest, I felt nothing. I didn't get goose bumps, I didn't initially have any amazing revelations. It was a good time and I enjoyed worshipping, but nothing AMAZING happened. Until my car ride home. And even then it wasn't in any tangible way. (Which to be honest, is what I had been hoping for all weekend--it requires less of me. selfish huh?) I was talking to a friend of mine about God and church and all the interesting aspects of Him that I think so many people miss out on.

Anyways, as I was talking about the goosebumps and the emotional side-effects that can take place when God shows up, another friend called me. I have been praying for her for a year and a half that God would give her a "Damascus Moment." That moment where God's presence is so undeniable that you never forget it. It's like when He shows up and blows you away. And she called to tell me that this weekend He did that for her. He showed up in a way she had always been skeptical about, in a way she didn't understand, but undeniably knew was God.

How did this change me? I spent a portion of this week praying for her. And at the conference I was thinking only of my self during certain moments and wanted a "Damascus moment", but you know what? I've already had one of those. God has shown up in my life in SOOOO many ways and there are times when I am selfish and instead of thanking Him for doing that much I forget and act like I NEED the emotions. Its almost as if I'm saying to God, "You aren't as real to me if You don't speak to me in extravagant ways." All of a sudden during this conference I felt God saying, "Will you just be quiet for a moment and let me reveal myself to you in a DIFFERENT way?" So I did. I was quiet. I quit asking for the "feelings" and was quiet. What did God say during that silence? Not much.. other than, "Be quiet and try listening to me." That's what I needed to hear.

I all of a sudden realized that He has been listening to me. For the last few months I haven't had any crazy moments with Jesus, but certain aspects of my relationship with Him have blossomed. For example, instead of the undeniable moments such as a prophetic word, I feel like God is trying to get me to search a little deeper for His voice. To hear Him in ways that are a little less obvious. Certain songs have just screamed what I need to hear. Certain passages in the Bible jump off the page--its like I never even knew they were there. Random people will love on me or talk to me and after, I realize that God was speaking through them TO ME. He's taking care of me. He's pursuing me. And sometimes I don't even know it or even ignore it because I let myself get focused on the BIG "undeniable" moments that aren't happening. How rude.

God will speak in any way He chooses, and regardless of how He does it, its amazing. Every moment is captivating and priceless. It's like a trickle, a never ending trickle of beauty, a blinding light, a warmth that is attributable only to the embrace of God. Stay under the trickle. Cherish every droplet regardless of how it fell and next thing you know you will be drenched. The trickle is no longer a trickle, but a rushing overflow.

"I can give you a moment like You've never known. But will you remember it? Will you be able to hear me when I'm whispering to you? Or will you listen when I show up in ways that are less obvious? Will you try to know me beyond what your senses will reveal? Can you just trust me? Trust that I will take care of you and AM taking care of you. Trust that even if I'm not loud and obvious, even if you don't feel me or aren't sure if I'm there that I REALLY AM. I show up in soo many ways and have revealed certain aspects of who I am to you already, but I want to show you more. I want you to be able to experience other aspects of me. Talk to me like I'm a friend. Randomly throughout the day, just talk to me. I know you desire me. I know you are searching for me. I know you screw up and your heart desires not to...I just need you to be quiet and let me speak to you in the way that I choose. NOT how YOU choose. Let me show you who I am. I'm listening to you. I hear your prayers, I hear your fears, your worries. I understand your doubts and I know your heart. You need to know that I can see how you are searching. I notice. Just don't stop. Don't stop. Search in every way possible. I'm letting you in on who I am. Just don't shut your eyes when I do. Don't look away, keep your eyes focused or you will miss it. Because I'm not going to follow YOUR plan. I have one, and you will like it. Just keep the focus. Keep stepping out. I see you doing things you haven't done, or acting in ways you have never been bold enough to act. And I am happy. I enjoy you. I enjoy hearing from you again. I enjoy the moments we have. I want more. So keep loving me in the ways you never knew how. And I will love you in ways you never knew I would. Be the woman I made you to be. :) Your life is good Em. And I will make it even better, just shhhhhh and let me."